| TURNER IN FINAL STAGES OF COMPILING HUMOROUS MEMOIR
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Agrees to sell first-born child in exchange for publishing deal
(SEPT. 14) - Journalist John Turner is in the midst of putting together a collection of humorous short stories to be published sometime next year.
"Confessions of a Gimp" will be a memoir of weird and funny occurrences during Turner's lifetime.
"Both fortunately and unfortunately, my life's been pretty full of drama," he said, noting that as a professional actor, he believes the exact same thing as every thespian on the planet.
The stories include tales about his mother murdering some pigs, how the family of his Little League teammate came to ballgames on a tractor, and an account of his attack in 2002 and all its aftermath.
Turner will collaborate with his friend and former newspaper editor Linda Ober Slade, who will reprise her role as editor for the novel.
"But publishing it will be as much work as writing the stories," he explained. "Maybe more, even." The pair plans to investigate publishing houses, then use the self-publishing route as an alternative if no book deals drop from the sky. |
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| GENIUS OF THE WEEK: Gotta Love a Man in Uniform
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GRADY, Ark. (May 30) - Two convicted murderers put on corrections-officer uniforms and walked out of an Arkansas prison during a shift change, officials said Saturday as they searched for the men.
Jeffrey Grinder, 32, and Calvin Adams, 39, escaped Friday evening from the Cummins Unit prison in Grady more than three hours before officials realized they were missing, corrections department spokeswoman Dina Tyler said.
Both men were serving life sentences without the possibility of parole at the prison about 60 miles southeast of Little Rock.
The guard uniforms the inmates put on are made in the prison. Video surveillance shows the men put them on in the prison library after the 6 p.m. headcount and walked out of the prison during a shift change less than 20 minutes later, Tyler said.
Prison officials are investigating whether all policies and procedures were followed.
"Someone should have laid eyes on them. That's one of the things we're looking at: How exactly did they get out without someone challenging them?" Tyler said.
Grinder and Adams drove away in a maroon or burgundy colored, 4-door sedan that had been left for them. Officials realized the men were missing after coming up short during the 10 p.m. inmate headcount, Tyler said.
(from Reuters News Service) |
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| THE MIDGET BOX TURTLE (2009)
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Thanks to my two older sisters, I spent an inordinately large part of my childhood naked.
Now, I dearly love me some Elizabeth and Ginger. One is a science teacher and mother to three outstanding boys, and the other is an administrator at the community college in our hometown.
My parents divorced when I was less than a year old, and Liz and Ginger are one and two years older than me, so until my mom remarried when I was 14 I was the only male in the house, and the youngest.
(Looking back, and knowing the roles family circumstances can play, it’s really a wonder I’m not a huge queen. Thank God I dodged that gay blade....)
Anyway, from about age 10 until Mom married Sonny, she taught a night class at the college, leaving us at home alone for about three hours. “I really felt like your sisters were old enough to take care of you,” Mom said later. “When I think about it now....hmmmm.”
And overall, Liz and Ginger took great care of me, with the cooking dinner, making sure I had my bath and doing my homework and whatnot. But they also the unsupervised opportunity to gleefully wreak some childhood havoc...... |
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| GEORGE CARLIN--Baseball vs. Football
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The master dispenses some brilliance in comparing the two games....
Carlin-BaseballFootball.mp3
To download, right-click on file, then choose "Save Target As...") |
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| Remember to keep the Equal Opportunity Employment Act in mind...
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| Click Here to download my resume in PDF format |
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