| TURNER RELOCATES TO BROOKLYN
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Enjoying constant contact high from exhaust fumes
(JUNE 9)--Author/journalist John Turner recently moved to Brooklyn from the Syracuse area, where he has lived since relocating from his native Mississippi in 1999.
John is living with his amazing girlfriend Lori Williams, who is known on the street as "Lori Good Sauce" because of the delicious Sunday Gravy she prepares each weekend.
"Wow....living here is definitely different," he said upon returning to his Bay Ridge apartment after a trip to the pharmacy to buy earplugs, which he plans to wear to bed every night.
"And what's with all the street noise!?" he added. "I mean, can't they collect garbage at a decent hour? C'mon, Brooklyn, go to sleep--it's way past your bedtime!!" |
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| GENIUS OF THE WEEK: A Not-So-Hot Dog
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 (PARK SLOPE, July 16) -- Now that's just cold.
A Brooklyn woman says a mugger stole a doggie coat right off the back of her mild-mannered terrier.
Donna McPherson says she tied up Lexie, her 10-year-old Westie, outside a Park Slope supermarket "for two minutes'' while she bought milk.
She heard a "funny bark.'' When McPherson went outside, she found the little white dog shivering. His green wool coat, with leather trim and belt, were nowhere in sight.
"How could anyone steal a coat off someone's back in the freezing cold?" the 42-year-old investment banker complained to The New York Post. "I was so angry, but in the end I was grateful that it was just the coat and not him."
McPherson said the dog coat was worth $25. She looked all over the neighborhood, hoping to spot the burglar who stole the coat off her pup's back, but couldn't find him.
McPherson said that, fortunately, Lexie wasn't wearing his pricier Burberry, but she bought two new coats anyway to make it up to him.
(from the Associated Press) |
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| THE MIDGET BOX TURTLE (2009)
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Thanks to my two older sisters, I spent an inordinately large part of my childhood naked.
Now, I dearly love me some Elizabeth and Ginger. One is a science teacher and mother to three outstanding boys, and the other is an administrator at the community college in our hometown.
My parents divorced when I was less than a year old, and Liz and Ginger are one and two years older than me, so until my mom remarried when I was 14 I was the only male in the house, and the youngest.
(Looking back, and knowing the roles family circumstances can play, it’s really a wonder I’m not a huge queen. Thank God I dodged that gay blade....)
Anyway, from about age 10 until Mom married Sonny, she taught a night class at the college, leaving us at home alone for about three hours. “I really felt like your sisters were old enough to take care of you,” Mom said later. “When I think about it now....hmmmm.”
And overall, Liz and Ginger took great care of me, with the cooking dinner, making sure I had my bath and doing my homework and whatnot. But they also the unsupervised opportunity to gleefully wreak some childhood havoc...... |
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| GEORGE CARLIN--Baseball vs. Football
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The master dispenses some brilliance in comparing the two games....
Carlin-BaseballFootball.mp3
To download, right-click on file, then choose "Save Target As...") |
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| Remember to keep the Equal Opportunity Employment Act in mind...
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| Click Here to download my resume in PDF format |
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